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It's been a while since I last wrote and on the above note, I hope to be here more often, scribing about my travails as a Transgender person. One reason I have been away from blogging is because I've been out and about...as a woman partaking in all of life's grand schemes, namely, routine!

Before I go trudging through the miserable Connecticut snow however, I thought I'd share my thoughts for the day...these thoughts of sheer elation and joy at what I've accomplished in nearly five years of living part-time, but completely openly and regularly as a woman. My excitement has not abated and in fact, has grown stronger.

In the most emphatic way possible, I wish I was a woman full-time, head to toe, the whole works!  But for a host of reasons I am not...nor do I think I will be...this said, that's not going to stop me from getting awfully close. If anything, I hope to be identified as a woman who simply hasn't gone all the way.

IN ALL WAYS POSSIBLE, I HOPE TO FURTHER SOLIDIFY WHO I AM AS A TRANSGENDER WOMAN!!!

This said, if I could drink an elixir of femininity, without any sort of negative consequence (mostly physiologically) I most certainly would. But there is so much more that I can do to get me to that pinnacle. And I am going to do it!!!! This blog will hopefully be a starting point for clearing the way down that path.

Five years has brought me a tremendous amount of perspective in living as a woman (as well as a man) and I hope to share much of that with you...just not to today. I have a driveway to clear!

For now, I just wanted to stop by and affirm who I am...once again...and hopefully open up a dialog while I enjoy the ride. There's so  much for me to express and share about my excitement, but now it's off to shoveling snow!

Viva la GLAM!

 
Today I took another step in affirming who I am. By no means a permanent action on my part, today was further testament to my desire to live as a woman. I did my first ever professional photo shoot! Amazing does not even begin to describe the entire experience.

                  

Besides luxuriating in glamour, my reasons for this photo shoot

are many.

 

One such reason is to solidify, promote and instill in the minds of others, my persona as a woman.

 

Not only did this shoot tie in nicely with a number of personal reasons for doing so, but it catered nicely to my sense of self and desire to be glamorous.

 

It was an investment in me!As if the photo shoot wasn't thrilling enough, I left in the animal print outfit for a regular engagement over coffee that I have with a Meetup group that I joined some time ago.

 

Nothing like having a crew primp you up for coffee and

tea with the ladies!

 

 

 

 

 

All three dresses are from JCPenney. The neutral shoes are by CALL IT SPRING and the other heels

are by Payless Shoes...Christian Siriano Collection (Floral Dress) and Brash (Blue Dress).

The ladies of The Sassy Space, i.e. Sassy Mouth Photography and Krystalized Designs are responsible for the glow you see in me!

A short affair.

Hello? I was calling to cancel my subscription to heterosexual dating. Can you make this change effective immediately? Thank you!

Well, I was coming to blog this morning in order to swear off, once and for all, any attempt at dating a woman in which I would be fulfilling the masculine role. But after reading my previous post, I see I already beat that dead horse to a pulp! So, without repeating old news, but on that front, I continue down my projected path. I am reaffirming my role in the dating world as a Gender Queer Transgender woman.

After yet again, organizing and tidying my closet and drawers, it is abundantly clear that...

1) I have a major shopping addiction.
2) I have enough women's' clothes and shoes to make it through 10 nuclear winters. I guess it's the planner in me!
3) I really, really need to stop shopping.
4) I really, really need to off-load, donate and share a lot of what I have.
5) I need to date a woman who is my size...how hot is that?
and finally
6) I am not going to discontinue my feminine living just to date a woman.

Personal affirmation if effect! And while I may not be what some consider a 'real' woman or even a 'real' transgender woman, I am someone who clearly, regularly and openly dresses as a woman. Which is actually a perfect definition for me and one I am perfectly happy being labeled as...'cause at the end of the day, as long as I am 'prettied up', the world can call me whatever the heck they want.

So...taking it a step down...I had a few insights over the last few days. I'd like to share and if you don't mind, I rather would like to share them in the form of analogies...

Analogous to...

My toolbox, of which I have several, is a purse, clutch or handbag. and really, really cute ones at that!

After seeing and hearing often about the 'typical' male profile, my 'shirtless selfie' is actually a neck down shot of me, in a dress, in which the dress hugs and shapes me perfectly and my breasts actually appear to be visible to the naked eye. Maybe someday my girls will fill out enough for me to actually do a shirtless selfie...or at least show off some gorgeous bra!!!!

And finally, I often hear women give scathing reviews about men who tirelessly talk sports. While I am inclined to agree with this perceived reality of things and find my stomach in upheaval when hearing sports commentary (except for hockey, hockey commentary is ok), I have to the realization that women do this too...OVER CLOTHES!!! Does anyone know what QVC or HSN is? It's women talking about clothes, fashion and makeup like it's a sport...yes, like a sport! And while I highly endorse this kind of commentary I do have to acknowledge the reality of what hypocrisy lurks in this world! I love being a hypocrite and double standards mind you!

In closing, I am going to now have breakfast and my second cup of coffee while I simultaneously check out...the NHL network and the gorgeous Lass that's always on...check out the news gals on my local news and The Weather Channel and watch my recordings of Susan Graver Style on QVC.
                                                                      

                                                                      ***

In closing…

Yes, what a way to start a blog post and a new way of life! But...as we close out the Summer, I’d like to share some Lady-Like thoughts with you all. Well, actually one Lady-Like thought train of thought for this blog. I was actually going to post about fashion, but as usual, I side-tracked myself into another topic all together. To be a ditz! I promise to blog about fashion shortly.

Like the leaves soon to fall from the trees, so too are the last vestiges of my supposed and remnant masculinity.  My efforts to pursue a more feminine appearance and way of life are stronger than ever and will continue to strengthen as the Seasons change. As seasons change, so too does my lifestyle.

In keeping with a shedding of old ways, I summarily, entirely reject, renounce and oppose dating anyone that does not see, acknowledge and ultimately accept me as a feminine person…a Transgender Woman. You may already know, but in case you don’t, I have a dating profile up as a totally out, open and proud Transgender Woman. If every single woman in the state of Connecticut has to know I am Transgender, then so be it. That’s what I want. I’m even thinking of handing out cards!

The fact is, there is no reason to hide who I am…I will not do that again…and frankly with the amount of women’s clothing and accessories I’ve amassed, it’s also a physical impossibility. So it is, I will continue to openly communicate and display that I am a Transgender Woman, providing necessary descriptions if need be, to whomever might ask. I will continue to be clear in describing who I am now and what I will become. It is with great pride that I am openly and routinely expressing that a future and romantic prospect will need to not only accept that I live as a woman, but embrace this fact. In the end, if nobody takes the bait and sweeps me off my heels, I will always have my shoe collection! J

On this note, things are actually not going that poorly. No, not every single gorgeous woman with beautiful hair, great make up and awesome taste in clothing, is beating down my door to meet me, but I am getting a reasonable amount of interest, curiosity, kudos for what I do and potential for at least friendship, maybe more. In fact, some of the twists that my so-called dating has taken on is pretty interesting if not a little bit exciting. So here’s to prancing onward. And oh, of course I will soon share those intricate details!

                                                                                              So who am I ‘after’?

Very simply, I am 100% open to dating either a Cis gender Woman or a Transwoman. Each has its own appeal to me and I look forward to being a realm where I can say I am openly and regularly dating both varieties of beautiful human being! There are truly so many positives to going ‘both ways’ in this that I cannot make up my mind. When I sit down and think about it, ‘cause that’s what I do, there are so many elements of each that I can identify with. I guess in a few years, I’ll have made my mind up…but until then, here’s to happy dating!

With wars, hunger and disease prevalant in the World...

...you couldn't possibly worry about someone like me, could you? Let's be honest here...

There are tyrants who rule countries, denying their citizens all basic human rights...

There are former superpowers, once again rising to said status by land grabs and other claims to world power.

There are so-called 'rogue' nations suspected to be developing Nuclear arsenals...

There are great and wealthy nations (like our very own?)  suffering unemployment crisis, health, educational, violence, corruption, drug, parentless children, infrastructure and other societal issues...

And someone is going to worry about me going to the grocery store and living my life as if I were a woman. Seriously?

Since when did I become so important?

I guess I should be flattered that someone like me should warrant such attention! Maybe I should design my own flag representing my new and totalitarian nation with the ultimate goal to take over the world! Yes...sling backs for everyone!

A person, transitioning their life to a manner desirable to them should not be a matter of societal discussion.

Whether this said person is a drain to society in the form of a criminal...blue or white collar, a terrorist, a liar and cheat (among a trillion other things) should be the concern to the masses...not the clothes someone wears or the means by which someone chooses to express themselves. The problems of humanity should be our concern here.

The one exception to the above rule? Does she wear pantyhose with open toe shoes? Then and only then, I say, "off with her head"!
                                            ***

Taking a "Big" step!

I am taking what consider another large step in my journey as I Transgender woman. Drum roll please!!!! I am going out for coffee. Huge. I know. In reality though, it's the context  and pretext of my next coffee date that's the big deal here. Recently, I joined a meet up group in my area consisting of Women who meet in order to network, seek advice, make friends and ultimately empower themselves as Women.

Before joining this group, I emailed the group organizer and 'cleared' everything with her before I joined. She knows that I am Trans. She knows I am part-time. She knows I am not trying to ruffle anyone's feathers. Simply, I want to meet, talk, network and make friends with women who know entirely this side of me. In her email she was very cordial and expressed desire to eventually meet. This is very exciting for me!

While she cannot vouch for everyone in the group, knowing she is ok with this aspect of who I am, her support the fact that she going to be there when I go is a huge boon to my femme psyche. Rest assured, if she doesn't show, that's fine. I will be ok. It's not like I haven't been out as a woman, a trillion times!  This in mind, like always, certainly not everyone is going to be happy with my choices, with my decisions and with my gender expression. In this life, I need to make myself happy above all.

To be clear, my profile clearly states who I am. I am not hiding or pretending to be a genetic woman. While my daily foray into the dating world as a Trans Woman clearly illustrates that not everyone pays attention to what you say, no matter how explicitly (this is good and bad), there is no guarantee that my words are a safeguard and that I will not be labeled a fraud or a freak. But we shall see. Either way, I plan to look, act and carry myself in the best way possible.

I have an appointment as a woman!

I am simply looking forward to embracing who I am on a very up close, personal level and most importantly somewhat out of my comfort zone. This is not my first engagement as a woman at
all. What makes this a big step is that I am venturing outside of my usual 'stomping grounds' and to possibly a new level acceptance as a Transgender woman. By all means, wish me luck.

All this aside and on another note, I am already down to just two outfit choices!!! This in of itself is major, major progress.

Stay tuned for the post-event report!!!

Curious are we?

They often say that curiosity killed the cat. In my life as a transgender person, I've found that curiosity has done nothing more than spark conversation. This is exactly what I want.

No different from the countless women who have come and gone before me, I don't dress and go through the efforts that I do to look pretty only to be ignored! I know this sounds entirely selfish and superficial (because it is!) but it's part of life and part of my persona as a woman. I want to be noticed. This journey has been that effort.

In this regard, if being noticed 'scores' me conversation with people, than so be it! That's part of my Master Plan. To look others in the eye. To be noticed. To be acknowledged and share who I am with them. Among many things, I am someone who is learning to become a woman. Great conversation starter for sure! I don't want or need to run from my feminine feelings. I want to be open and share them with others. And at the end of the day, I just want to join in life's daily foibles and experiences. I don't really understand it, but I've had to parade in life as a woman in order for people to talk to me! LOL. Wow!

For another time, but I'll say it now...I don't dress trashy. Most, if not all of you know that about me. That's not what I am about and I certainly do not want that kind of negative attention. No Ma'am. I admire and therefore emulate what I think to be classy and elegant about womanhood.

There's no doubt that some people initiate conversation with me and they're not genuinely interested in who I am as a person. They might even be mocking me. That's ok. I get it. Most people aren't interested in me. I accept the novelty and curiosity that a man living and presenting as a woman brings and I accept it fully. Thus far though, the conversations of I had seem to me to be complimentary and supportive. That just vindicates who I am becoming as a person 10 times over!

Whether it be exchanges about fashion or just the mundane aspects of life, I am entirely appreciative of the men and women who have taken the time to acknowledge me. In my new role, I've learned to perceive when someone looks like they want to break the proverbial ice. Gestures and mannerisms are very telling. In keeping, I make sure my body language lets them know I am friendly and open to conversations. Whether it be about sling-back heels, hair, nails, dresses or Mesoscale Convective Complex initiated Derechos, I'm all game...as long as I get to twirl my hair and dangle my heels!

The point to all this is that I've chosen to embrace who I am. In a sense, the fact that I want to live as a woman and am doing so is my 'worst' trait...everything else about me is just water under the bridge so to speak. This journey of mine is about finding and embracing myself, in doing so, I've found it easier to embrace (not literally) others!