In closing…

Yes, what a way to start a blog post and a new way of life! But...as we close out the Summer, I’d like to share some Lady-Like thoughts with you all. Well, actually one Lady-Like thought train of thought for this blog. I was actually going to post about fashion, but as usual, I side-tracked myself into another topic all together. To be a ditz! I promise to blog about fashion shortly.

Like the leaves soon to fall from the trees, so too are the last vestiges of my supposed and remnant masculinity.  My efforts to pursue a more feminine appearance and way of life are stronger than ever and will continue to strengthen as the Seasons change. As seasons change, so too does my lifestyle.

In keeping with a shedding of old ways, I summarily, entirely reject, renounce and oppose dating anyone that does not see, acknowledge and ultimately accept me as a feminine person…a Transgender Woman. You may already know, but in case you don’t, I have a dating profile up as a totally out, open and proud Transgender Woman. If every single woman in the state of Connecticut has to know I am Transgender, then so be it. That’s what I want. I’m even thinking of handing out cards!

The fact is, there is no reason to hide who I am…I will not do that again…and frankly with the amount of women’s clothing and accessories I’ve amassed, it’s also a physical impossibility. So it is, I will continue to openly communicate and display that I am a Transgender Woman, providing necessary descriptions if need be, to whomever might ask. I will continue to be clear in describing who I am now and what I will become. It is with great pride that I am openly and routinely expressing that a future and romantic prospect will need to not only accept that I live as a woman, but embrace this fact. In the end, if nobody takes the bait and sweeps me off my heels, I will always have my shoe collection! J

On this note, things are actually not going that poorly. No, not every single gorgeous woman with beautiful hair, great make up and awesome taste in clothing, is beating down my door to meet me, but I am getting a reasonable amount of interest, curiosity, kudos for what I do and potential for at least friendship, maybe more. In fact, some of the twists that my so-called dating has taken on is pretty interesting if not a little bit exciting. So here’s to prancing onward. And oh, of course I will soon share those intricate details!

                                                                                              So who am I ‘after’?

Very simply, I am 100% open to dating either a Cis gender Woman or a Transwoman. Each has its own appeal to me and I look forward to being a realm where I can say I am openly and regularly dating both varieties of beautiful human being! There are truly so many positives to going ‘both ways’ in this that I cannot make up my mind. When I sit down and think about it, ‘cause that’s what I do, there are so many elements of each that I can identify with. I guess in a few years, I’ll have made my mind up…but until then, here’s to happy dating!

With wars, hunger and disease prevalant in the World...

...you couldn't possibly worry about someone like me, could you? Let's be honest here...

There are tyrants who rule countries, denying their citizens all basic human rights...

There are former superpowers, once again rising to said status by land grabs and other claims to world power.

There are so-called 'rogue' nations suspected to be developing Nuclear arsenals...

There are great and wealthy nations (like our very own?)  suffering unemployment crisis, health, educational, violence, corruption, drug, parentless children, infrastructure and other societal issues...

And someone is going to worry about me going to the grocery store and living my life as if I were a woman. Seriously?

Since when did I become so important?

I guess I should be flattered that someone like me should warrant such attention! Maybe I should design my own flag representing my new and totalitarian nation with the ultimate goal to take over the world! Yes...sling backs for everyone!

A person, transitioning their life to a manner desirable to them should not be a matter of societal discussion.

Whether this said person is a drain to society in the form of a criminal...blue or white collar, a terrorist, a liar and cheat (among a trillion other things) should be the concern to the masses...not the clothes someone wears or the means by which someone chooses to express themselves. The problems of humanity should be our concern here.

The one exception to the above rule? Does she wear pantyhose with open toe shoes? Then and only then, I say, "off with her head"!
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Taking a "Big" step!

I am taking what consider another large step in my journey as I Transgender woman. Drum roll please!!!! I am going out for coffee. Huge. I know. In reality though, it's the context  and pretext of my next coffee date that's the big deal here. Recently, I joined a meet up group in my area consisting of Women who meet in order to network, seek advice, make friends and ultimately empower themselves as Women.

Before joining this group, I emailed the group organizer and 'cleared' everything with her before I joined. She knows that I am Trans. She knows I am part-time. She knows I am not trying to ruffle anyone's feathers. Simply, I want to meet, talk, network and make friends with women who know entirely this side of me. In her email she was very cordial and expressed desire to eventually meet. This is very exciting for me!

While she cannot vouch for everyone in the group, knowing she is ok with this aspect of who I am, her support the fact that she going to be there when I go is a huge boon to my femme psyche. Rest assured, if she doesn't show, that's fine. I will be ok. It's not like I haven't been out as a woman, a trillion times!  This in mind, like always, certainly not everyone is going to be happy with my choices, with my decisions and with my gender expression. In this life, I need to make myself happy above all.

To be clear, my profile clearly states who I am. I am not hiding or pretending to be a genetic woman. While my daily foray into the dating world as a Trans Woman clearly illustrates that not everyone pays attention to what you say, no matter how explicitly (this is good and bad), there is no guarantee that my words are a safeguard and that I will not be labeled a fraud or a freak. But we shall see. Either way, I plan to look, act and carry myself in the best way possible.

I have an appointment as a woman!

I am simply looking forward to embracing who I am on a very up close, personal level and most importantly somewhat out of my comfort zone. This is not my first engagement as a woman at
all. What makes this a big step is that I am venturing outside of my usual 'stomping grounds' and to possibly a new level acceptance as a Transgender woman. By all means, wish me luck.

All this aside and on another note, I am already down to just two outfit choices!!! This in of itself is major, major progress.

Stay tuned for the post-event report!!!

Curious are we?

They often say that curiosity killed the cat. In my life as a transgender person, I've found that curiosity has done nothing more than spark conversation. This is exactly what I want.

No different from the countless women who have come and gone before me, I don't dress and go through the efforts that I do to look pretty only to be ignored! I know this sounds entirely selfish and superficial (because it is!) but it's part of life and part of my persona as a woman. I want to be noticed. This journey has been that effort.

In this regard, if being noticed 'scores' me conversation with people, than so be it! That's part of my Master Plan. To look others in the eye. To be noticed. To be acknowledged and share who I am with them. Among many things, I am someone who is learning to become a woman. Great conversation starter for sure! I don't want or need to run from my feminine feelings. I want to be open and share them with others. And at the end of the day, I just want to join in life's daily foibles and experiences. I don't really understand it, but I've had to parade in life as a woman in order for people to talk to me! LOL. Wow!

For another time, but I'll say it now...I don't dress trashy. Most, if not all of you know that about me. That's not what I am about and I certainly do not want that kind of negative attention. No Ma'am. I admire and therefore emulate what I think to be classy and elegant about womanhood.

There's no doubt that some people initiate conversation with me and they're not genuinely interested in who I am as a person. They might even be mocking me. That's ok. I get it. Most people aren't interested in me. I accept the novelty and curiosity that a man living and presenting as a woman brings and I accept it fully. Thus far though, the conversations of I had seem to me to be complimentary and supportive. That just vindicates who I am becoming as a person 10 times over!

Whether it be exchanges about fashion or just the mundane aspects of life, I am entirely appreciative of the men and women who have taken the time to acknowledge me. In my new role, I've learned to perceive when someone looks like they want to break the proverbial ice. Gestures and mannerisms are very telling. In keeping, I make sure my body language lets them know I am friendly and open to conversations. Whether it be about sling-back heels, hair, nails, dresses or Mesoscale Convective Complex initiated Derechos, I'm all game...as long as I get to twirl my hair and dangle my heels!

The point to all this is that I've chosen to embrace who I am. In a sense, the fact that I want to live as a woman and am doing so is my 'worst' trait...everything else about me is just water under the bridge so to speak. This journey of mine is about finding and embracing myself, in doing so, I've found it easier to embrace (not literally) others!

I feel like a femme. So why not live like one?

In the interest of further positive self affirmation, here I am stating the obvious...yet again! I want to continue taking more significant, game changing steps towards living as a woman full-time. Speaking in clear, overt and strong terms is part of that process. So is something surgical!

Life can surely be strange. On that note, so is mine. In my time thus far publically living as a woman, I've not had any experience to dissuade me from continuing with such. Yes, I know things go on behind my back. But that's no different whether I wear a dress or not. You can't make everyone happy, heels or not. So I am choosing to make myself happy by being in heels whenever I can be in them. And don't you think the world needs more happy people than not? But I digress...

My time en femme has been delightful, thought provoking and pleasant. The number of friendly exchanges, comments, remarks and gestures directed my way have been a total boon to my femme persona. What I've experienced so far are those things people did not have to partake in...yet, chose to do so for mutual benefit, ie, pleasant conversational banter. If people don't like what I do, how I live, than they don't have to engage me in anyway. No doubt, not everyone is pleased by my actions. And in this regard, if they ignore me, all is well. Rest assured, some people have and will ignore me. I choose however to embrace the positive.

Never have a I been engaged in the very types of social interaction that I have always desired, until transforming myself into a more feminine appearing person. Amazing. I had to transform my life and live as a woman in order to spark up conversation! As Charlton Heston would say, "....this is a mad house..." Mad house aside, if I have to engage and live as a woman than do so I will.

In summary of the above, I continue on my journey...by taking the necessary steps to solidify my female persona. Aside from all of the drastic measures one takes on this path, I intend to be better about sharing my journey from the pages of this blog. Shortly, Ill be speaking about curiosity.
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This is my party and I’ll dress if I want to.

Wouldn’t you dress if this happened to you? This is me getting on with my life…in something pretty of course!

I am an out, proud transgender person (born male, expresses oneself as female) who has always had a personal longing for living as a female. Well over two years ago, I began a routine and ritual of expressing myself as if I were a woman in as many aspects of public life as I could conjure. Imagine daily routines, errands and chores that any person does during the their time off from work and that's what I do in feminine form. At this stage in my development virtually everything I do in my personal time is done this way. Whereas I was once sought the cover of darkness and other safe havens to express this part of who I am, I now embrace daylight and welcome being front and center. After all, doesn't someone that goes through the lengths to beautify  and transform oneself, crave the attention for doing so? Shoes, hair, dress, jewelry and handbags were all meant to be noticed.  This is my effort. Deep. I know!



The extent of my ‘out ness’ varies across the range of people that I know. Without being specific and detailing everything, there are people who know I ‘simply’ dress, seeing what I do as merely a fetish. Then there are those that know I routinely present to the world as if I were a female. You know, the real stuff. Some people know only Antoinette Loren. Some only know Antoinette’s other side. Some know both sides of Antoinette.  An outsider might consider all of this odd, but I consider it as unique opportunity for personal relationships and life experiences. Living in a feminine way, and in particular in female garb has and always will always  be appealing to me. Simple fact is, dresses and heels suit me best. When it comes to self-actualization and personal fulfillment, Antoinette takes center stage now.

Now (as always) continues the process of transforming my daily life routine in furtherance of this longing, this personal preference of sorts to live as if I were a woman. The appeal for femininity for me is too strong to let slip away. While I do not have the means (who does? LOL), opportunity or a total desire to fully transition through the use of hormones or surgery, I do have the wherewithal to transition in other ways. This transition is about a commitment to a more frequent expression of my feminine traits. These traits are my foundation for defining who I am from this point on. This transition is as much about my mind, as it is my body.

My method of achieving greater femininity is to embrace every daily beauty ritual, eating habit and exercise routine that promotes a more feminine appearance. No pain, no gain! I endeavor for a more permanent lady like appearance. My new life is that effort.

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