Well...I went out the other day. Nothing too involved and not much to report...but this is what I wore. I started the day with the 'goal' of wearing a dress I've just been dying to wear for so long. But...it just doesn't fit. The zipper sucks and I am just too large! I love the dress but I guess I have to just give up the notion of getting my body into it. So, to the donation department it goes. Sucks!
Despite this loss, I came up with an outfit I am quite thrilled about actually. I consider the dress quite unconventional in terms of it's pattern and somewhat of a challenge to match and pair up with shoes, jacket and handbag. But in the end, I think I succeeded. Do you agree? Also, this outfit marks a return to hosiery for me...if not temporarily anyway! I've never turned my back to hosiery, just learned to go without more often than not. Oddly enough, breaking my hosiery addiction is part of my development as a trans woman...again, weird, but true. As I've said before, I will wear hosiery again...simply I will just be very choosey about when I do so. Don't worry nylon fans, I am still part of the club! As mentioned elsewhere, this outfit to me was a blend of Autumn and Winter in terms of colors. On the one hand, it represents the brilliant colors of Fall, while bringing in the coldness of Winter. Anyhooo..I hope you all like and I'd love to hear your feedback.

Because I feel like it.

Living my life in feminine form is my choice. I've been doing so for over two years now and am quite thrilled by the feeling of freedom in doing so and by the level of acceptance I've received in my daily routine as such. In two years of portraying a woman I've actually received more acknowledgment as a person, let alone as a woman, than ever before. Weird, but true! I guess everybody loves a cute pair of heels.

I've had doors opened for me...Compliments extended to me regarding my choice in jewelry and clothing. Conversations started about fashion. Flattery regarding my fragrances.  Frankly it's all been very humbling and somewhat surprising. I've enjoyed the attention and look forward to more. All this is the reason I intend to improve my presentation and everything involved with it.



In keeping with this motivation, it's important that I acknowledge a few things...

Just about everybody knows that I present as a woman by choice. My Ex certainly. My neighbors. My Co-workers. Yes, I am that person!

I want to engage as much as humanly possible in this form. Romantically. Socially. As a self-made woman! That is what I am.

I do not regret one day that I chose to live and present publically, for all to see, as a woman. This will continue.

In keeping with the above, I am a reasonable and responsible gal with her priorities straight. I know when it's time to partake in the pretty little details of being a woman and I know when not to. My Children are the driving force behind this determination of when to do things in a lady-like way or not. No doubt, my youngest Son's health is a high priority right now and will always determine when I say, "when" to being a gal. In this light, when and if  his condition is consistently good, I will be treating myself to all the fineries of being a woman. In the short-term, this includes a nice, deserved and warm break...yes,  a vacation! While I am not planning anything more than two nights away, I am mulling the idea. I know at least one person who will guilt me about this 'selfish and heinous' act. Care to guess? And in the long-term, if we clear this hurdle, I am going to be more of a woman than ever!



Achieving a short-term, feminine goal.
I've considered traveling en femme and may in fact do so. It might be sooner rather than later. It might be not at all. That said, there are a lot of things to consider before I take this step since I will essentially be walking right into where I work, all as a person openly living as a woman. That's surely a slippery slope that I need to greatly consider before doing. In the end, it's not really important that I travel en femme or not. What's important is that my Sons' health allows me a chance to go somewhere warm, relax and further establish myself as a woman. I hope his course of recovery continues as I really need, and in fact, deserve a trip to somewhere warm. But again, if I don't travel en femme, all is not lost...but it would certainly be a huge step in terms of defining myself as a person that chooses to live in a gender role that they were not born into. 

Thoughts and suggestions welcome...

Mapping out a more feminine life (style).

Who? Me? More ‘female-centric’ then already? Yes. After living over two years, openly and publically, in female form on a part-time basis, you better believe I have my sights set on an even more feminine lifestyle. Absolutely!

At this point, with two years under my skirt, I still have a very strong drive to live as a person who tirelessly strives to improve their female image. I want to appear female more often than already. I want to do so in a better, more classy, more refined way. I want to carry myself more confidently in feminine form and take most of what life has to offer in a dress and heels.

Besides all the obvious ways to carry myself as a woman, there are less obvious routes to my destination. Among these, are continued dedication to my family. They are number one. Because of them, I choose not to alter my gender permanently. I am content, happy with this. As a mature, responsible adult, I know when and how to be there for them, this will never change. I have the rest of my life to freely express my presiding gender identity, no need to let that be an obstacle to being there for my family when they need me.

None of what I am about to do, in order to achieve a more refined and improved femininity, will sacrifice in anyway, the responsible, motivated, principled, respectful and considerate person that I think myself to be (some might see me differently. Oh well!)  This in mind…

The rest of my time, is mine to do as I choose. This is where I achieve my goal of improved femininity. The primary reason I am divorced is because I chose to embrace a path of gender identity not conducive to this interests of my Ex. I don’t hold that against her. I simply choose to embrace who I am.

The details of how I intend to achieve a more durable female identity are highly complex, expensive, rather complex and even a little mundane. This in mind, I will share with you, through future blogs, the specific details of each. In some cases, there’s nothing to see, I will simply maintain who I am. That’s the boring part. The fun stuff? Read below for the general topics that I will focus on in order to appear a better female.

Vacation.

Confidence.

Education.

Financial goals.

Relationship endeavors.

And of course, Health and Beauty.

And so begins the new me. Thanks for reading!

Lots of hug, Antoinette

This about definition.



In terms of self-descriptive labels, I will go with the one that works best, something all-encompassing and one that leaves no room for debate. I am 100 % me! You could even call me Human if you like. Simplicity aside, I consist of many different components. For the purpose of this blog, these components include intellectual, gender and sexual identities. These three elements combine to form the person that is me. A word of warning: things may take on a decidedly feminine tone.

As always, I like to start with disclaimers, set some pre-conditions, before I launch into a description of my life and all that it involves. This pre-condition? I am not an expert in anything. I am not highly trained or extensively educated in much of anything…not gender, not psychology and certainly not sexuality. Now that you know I am completely unqualified to speak about anything, here it goes.

I call myself Antoinette Loren. My legal name, the one I was born with and the one I’ve lived with most of my life is something different. Friends and family know (and hopefully like) that ‘original’ person. This said, Antoinette is who I choose to be now. While I am not ‘her’ all the time, I am her often. Nearly two years ago, she became a regular facet of my life. God-willing, she will be my future.

Two years ago, I began regularly living my life in a ‘female-centric’ way. This means I now live in a way as to appear as or portray a female, but not to deceive the world into thinking I am one. To be clear, I am not female and am very careful to not define myself as such.

My lifestyle transition is 100% about adopting as many aspects of what I consider to be female as possible. But it does not make me female. Nor do these aspects make someone female. Everyone has their own definition as such. This manifestation is my definition. Needless to say, I wouldn’t call, nor would you, any aspect of my life masculine. Often, I describe my lifestyle stating, ‘as if I were a woman’. I am very careful to not say, ‘as a woman’.

Antoinette Loren merely lives in a way that emulates her idea of what it means to be an intelligent, mature, respectful and confident woman. She hopes also to portray feminine class.  Antoinette knows that these goals are achieved by more than just clothes, shoes, hair, jewelry and mannerisms. Granted, these aspects are super fun but they are merely coincidental and only part of her overall goal. The other elements to achieving this goal and much more character defining are honesty, respect, determination and reliability to name a few. This lifestyle and the way I portray myself (ME!) are my own definition and how I desire acceptance.

I hope you enjoy reading about my thoughts, ideas and experiences as me, Antoinette Loren.